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.... [07 Nov 2007|12:23am]
life is fucking amazing.
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Quote Of The Day.... [14 Mar 2007|07:11pm]
"the greatest thing you will ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return."
~moulin rouge
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Quote Of The Day.... [11 Mar 2007|10:25pm]
"Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful."
-Annette Funicello
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Quote Of The Day.... [04 Mar 2007|01:31am]
"Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be involved with them. Love is not a bandage to cover wounds."
~Hugh Elliott
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Quote Of The Day.... [24 Feb 2007|11:12pm]
"Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you."
~Wally 'Famous' Amos
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Quote Of The Day.... [18 Feb 2007|02:56pm]
"The key is to be yourself. A lot of the girls make the mistake of trying to be something their not. You don’t need to put on act or try to be some character to get attention. If you are genuine, people will take notice, and that’s what really counts"
~Maria Kanellis
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Quote Of The Day.... [16 Feb 2007|03:50pm]
"if you dont go for your dreams, someone else will!!!!"
~candice michelle
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Quote Of The Day.... [14 Feb 2007|07:19pm]
"The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost."
-G.K. Chesterton
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Quote Of The Day.... [12 Feb 2007|08:30pm]
"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
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Quote Of The Day.... [10 Feb 2007|09:53pm]
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)
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Quote Of The Day.... [06 Feb 2007|10:33pm]
"I'm agoraphobic. I just want someone to love me!"
Benji Madden
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RAWR.... [06 Feb 2007|03:57pm]
[ mood | Just Sad.... ]

so i was driving in my car on my way home from school and i kind of bursted out in tears. honestly im not sure why either. maybe its because i fucked my leg up in gym by falling on the bleachers doing step ups and my ass hurts or maybe its because a lot of things are just catching up to me. i dont even know the point of writing in this thing anymore cause i dont know if anyone even reads this anymore. probably. idk. im kind of sick of life in a way. everything seems so shitty all the time. i wish one good thing would just happen randomly. but i know it probably wont because thats not how my life works. ever.

i feel like a fool. im sitting herre with green beans on my leg. lol. very cool.

i think im just sad, not really over anything....just sad. like i said i just wish something good would happen like within the next week.

valentines day....never do i have a valentine but its so pathetic to even think its important to have one cause its just some stupid ass holiday some random person that nobody knows made up. oooo well. thats the way life goes.

im done bitching for now i guess. people probably dont like hearing it anyways. ppppzzzz.

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Things.... [05 Feb 2007|09:28pm]
well yeah ive decided im not going to ball. i dont care anymore. its just going to be a repaeat of last year most likely. and i honestly would rather not go through that again....unless someone half decent asks me or i decide to ask someone but it probably wont happen because who would like me enough to ask me or even say yes. even though i know what i would wanna wear and how i would wear my hair. its pathetic cause i wanna go but not unless i loose weight and i have a date. boy or girl. lol. i dont care doesnt matter. no i dont wanna go.

so my bestie likes someone i thought i loved. i dont know how i feel about him anymore. i just wanna go up to him and be like hey asshole thanks for fucking with me all these years you wanna tell me a no finally?!?! but i never see him so it wont happen. ill never see him again most likely and ill probably never talk to him again. out of sight out of mind except not. but im getting over it i think. mostly because my bestie told me he talks good and bad about me which most likely means he doesnt like me. which means i shouldnt waste my time with him. right?!?! whatever. idk. but yeah im okay with her liking him. doesnt really bother me. let what happens happens right. hes not worth loosing my bestie over no matter how i feel about him.

but my feelings for matt are coming back which sucks ass. but they will probably go away and come back and work in that kind of cycle. lol. idk. i guess him getting hurt triggered how much i care about him again in my mind. whatever. im done with it.

but yeah i guess im outties for now. ppppzzzz
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Thinking.... [14 Jan 2007|09:45pm]
[ mood | Confused.... ]

ive been thinking a lot about a lot of things lately and ive come up with some things that most people will probably bitch at me for or disagree wholeheartedly.

marriage/love/all that good stuff: im not gonna say it doesnt exist and all that bullshit cause im sure it does. lol. i just dont think its for me. maybe it is, maybe it isnt, maybe im just scared. i dont wanna end up like my parents. with two kids and then seperating. i dont wanna put my kids, if i ever have any, through that, i want it to work and not have to be miserably stuck together for the kids type fo thing. i want a happiness thats real. so yeah i guess im scared. scared that things wont work out but im not scared to be alone anymore cause i dont really know why. i guess maybe ive come to terms that it could be a possibilty. a very good possibility. i just wanna find someone who isnt going to fuck with my head 24/7 and something that is real. i dont care if i find it now or whenever. i mean itd be cool to find it now but its not realistic because theres always something there to fuck it up. something that keeps me apart from them. but im done cause i dont even know. i dont even know how i feel about anyone right now. i really dont. i wish i did but i dont.

school: i hope i graduate but i dont know if i will. i gotta push myself like crazy eggs. it'll happen eventually. hopefully cause if i dont graduate with my class im done. not go kill myself done but just done with school cause it would be complete and utter bullshit and everything ive ever done will go to waste. all the hard times and shit. id just i dont even know.

family: confusing.

me=confused fuck

and i think thats everything. except i really cant stand people right now. some people i can but not all of them or many of them. people suck animal bones.

matt wants both of us to "go" to ball and hang out there together, meaning we go as friends in his book. yeah confusing to me but whatever. im not going to. im going with greg. hopefully he wont stand me up cause i would seriously die. but he said he wouldnt so i guess i should trust him. i didnt even plan on goign to the stupid thing until everyone said i had too. but i hope matt gets mad jealous and his ball is ruined because i went with greg and not him. yupp yupp. im evil but karma is a bitch and this time around im the bitch.

well im outties for now. ppppzzzz.

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College.... [09 Jan 2007|09:57pm]
got accepted to sienna and saint rose....both without writing the essay even though im going to have to cause i want scholarships.

i dont understand it and im waiting for the joke to end. but yeah maybe it wont.

but yeah thats it. just thought i would tell ya'll. ppppzzzz
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Huh.... [07 Jan 2007|08:56pm]
[ mood | shitty.... ]

well i havent updated in awhile and i have nothing better to do right now so im going too.

found a bunch of stuff while cleaning shit this weekend. a bunch of stuff from my exes and shit. made me mad and sad at the same time cause its just fucked up. cause i dont think any of the relationships were real at all but thats high school for you. oh well. who knows.

like this guy but he lives far away so i dont.

found my grandmas engagment ring. never coming off again. lol.

christmas was cool. no one fought.

new years was okay. nothing special.

hung out with bethany my lover alot over break. which is awesomeness times. cause i lover her.

i hope i graduate....i dont know what is going to happen to me honestly but i dont feel like getting into it. if you knwo you know.

matt confuses me cause he is just the most confusing individual ever. and we alwys fight. and who buys there ex gf when they just start talking again a pink heart necklace thats fucking gorgeous for no reason?!?! idk.

i dont know what else to write so im outties for now. ill try and be more frequent but i got a lot of shit going on right now so i dont know. and i dont even know if people read this anymore but oooo well.

love yas.

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Tisk Tisk.... [19 Aug 2006|05:09am]
yeah well havent done one of these in a while and i cant sleep so i thought i would post one real quick or not so quick. lol.

i NEED a new pair of black vans. and i hope i can get them before school starts.

speaking of school. i have to decide if im going or not. full time, part time or not at all. idk. its confusing. and i wanna try but idk. when i think about it to much it hurts my head and then i get all confuzzled. i know SOME people would miss me but a lot wouldnt. but i could go just for those few. those people could get me through my days. i have to see what my schedule is going to be like. change it around and what not.i dont wanna miss out on senior year is all. i dont know i really dont know right now.

senior picnic coming up the day before school. should be interesting. i need to find a ride there and back home or to someones home. lol.

speaking of rides. i need to take my road test or im going to cry. lol. not really but i could. i wanna drive into school this year or find a ride. i dont really feel like dealing with a bunch of idiots on my bus for my senior year. but i will probably have too. which sucks.i went shopping. and got some new stuff which is cool. lol. that was random.

matt imed ME today. we had a good conversation. it was fun.its nice being friends again.

but i guess thats all for now. ill update soon again hopefully. love yall
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Great Escape.... [04 Aug 2006|02:41am]
well went to the great escape for like 7 or 8 hours and im still mad tired the other day. walked for probably 5 1/2 out of all 7 hours mayeb more. probably more cause we didnt go on many rides. im really hurting but imma be okay cause its not that bad and ill always be in pain when i go to be a wrestling diva. so its a good thing in the end. i guess so. lol. im so mean to myself. but oh well. ive lost 6 pounds so far and people are starting to notice which is awesome. makes me not wanna stop. and i wont. i dontt know if im going to work out today cause of the pain but i probably will do some crunches and such. even though i shouldp probably take a day off. well thats all for now. going to go to bed or workout. i dont know yet.

but overall i had fun, it was okay. i made a deal with my mom that if i went in the water she would go on the comet with me and she did it and it was hilarious. lmao. you had to be there for it probably but it was priceless. went on the bobsled or whatever its called and thats why im in so much pain. but i believe thats it for now. im really outties. so ppppzzzz....
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Hope Dangles On A String.... [04 Aug 2006|02:39am]
im in one of my omfg im happy moods and my omfg im sad moods. and none of it has to do with boys. i dont really care about them at the moment. nope. i truly dont. doesnt phase me like it used to. but enough talking about that.

i dont know what im happy about, i just am. maybe its all the endorphines and such. lol. but yeah its a good thing. but the bad thing is the sad part. i know now that it will never go away no matter what and i can finally start to learn to live with it now knowing that.

im having a hard time with the whole believing in ones self and believing that people believe in you too thing now. i always have. its just hard to see me now and see where i want to be. i dont regret it though cause if i wasent the way i am i probably wouldnt be friends with the people i am friends with and i probably wouldnt have gone through everything i have and come out to be who i am. and i kinda like who i am. and that is the truth. but yeah anyways. i just want this thing so bad i can taste it but i dont see me getting there sometimes. i see myself stuck the way i am. no matter how hard i work for it. which there is nothing wrong with but seriously i dont want that, i want more. i wanna make it. i wanna get one thing out of my life thats for me and that will make me happy. thats all. just one little itsy bitsy thing is all. is that to much to ask for?!?!

but i am working out as much as i can and trying to eat as good as i can. so im kinda proud of myself. buyt yeah thats it for now. love ya'll
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Hate.... [18 Jul 2006|07:02pm]
i offically hate people now. i try to be nice and then i just get fucked over. so you know what, people wanna be bitches to me and ignore me trying to be nice then fuck ya'll. no more miss. nice emo bitch. i can not wait for highschool to be over now cause when i make it and i will no matter what, ya'll be sorry for fucking things up with me. yeah i did nothing wrong. ya'll fucked it up. i tried playing nice and now i know playing nice doesnt work now does it?!?! NO!!!! so fuck everyone, if your not my close friends then im not interested in ya anymore. fuck ya'll all ya'll. im sick of getting taken advantage and getting lied too. its just straight up fucked up. so now i just have more motivation so i can thank you kyle and matt for that. and i can honestly say i cant believe i wasted my time with you two. cause you both royally fucked me over the whole relationships with your lies and bullshit. so fuck you guys. im out. ppppzzzz.
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